I loathe the word ‘queer’. First and foremost, I’m ‘Mike’, I’m a passionate gardener and garden writer and being gay is a small but very important part of who I am.
I love giving labels to people… except for me I don’t use the word ‘label’ preferring instead to use ‘names’, the names of every single person I meet, no matter who they are - their sexuality, their colour, religion or ability - I’m interested in people, not labels.
Mike I want to come back to your comment. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, but I feel I didn’t say enough when I first relied. You know how it is, comments come in and you lose track. I loathe the word too. I detest it, in fact and I wish that the world would stop using it to make themselves trendy. Thank you for standing up and making your voice heard. Xxx
I’m crying. Such an emotional post. I’m ashamed to say, I wasn’t aware of some of the details regarding the law. My youngest daughter has told us recently she is gay and I couldn’t be more proud that she wasn’t afraid to tell us and to be who she wants to be. Lots of you to you and Mr C xx
The best possible gift to your daughter would be acknowledge, accept, rejoice and move on. Everyone just wants to feel like they are normal and that they are loved. Xxxxx
Honestly… your writing style is infectious. Your account resonates with the history I also witnessed as a straight person. I could not agree more. When we stop having to have special days for LGBTQ is when everyone will be truly celebrated everyday for who they are and who they love. I wish you nothing but happiness and we all need to find peace in accepting everyone for their love and life choices xx
WEll you’ve done it again my friend I’m now deep in thought about the times and attitudes we live through on this rather dull Sunday morning. Our own experience's and childhood fashion our approach to life, I was until today unaware of the Caribbean cultural view on being gay who knew? but it explains so much from my own childhood. Born in the 1950s to Irish parents I was blessed with a liberal view on life with only one caveat work hard!! and enjoy life. I have done both in equal measure thankful to be reminded of my fathers words today whenever we kids would be judgemental “Susan we are all just human beings on the same road some have a hard climb make life easy for them on the way up child”. So as I always have done I’m gonna enjoy Gay Pride Month with you JP 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Ahhh thankyou he had a tragic start to life in 1930 Ireland one of 8 children bought up by his amazing older sister aged just 15 when their mother died BUT he was loved and worked hard to get what little money he could for his family. In time his hard work paid off he came to U.K. in 1950s did very well and remained his sisters wing man all her life. So much to be grateful for he was a true egalitarian x
Well said and written JP! My 4 best friends are gay men and I am fiercely protective of them if I ever hear or encounter any hate towards them .I know we get stares when we all go out and I'm sure I am called a certain name but I would be lost without them ( as they would be without me .....quite literally, one is directionally challenged even with a sat nav 😂) love is love why should/does it matter who you find it with! Xx
Oh JP I love your Sunday morning newsletter you have a compelling way with words. This week’s has made me feel so very sad and I too am looking forward to a label free society. My first husband is transgender and the abuse and hatred she received during the process was horrendous!!! We share a wonderful daughter and always celebrate her life with her when she visits and I think people forget that they hurt the whole family/community with their abhorrent attitude. Take care and sending hugs 🤗 xx
This post is heart-wrenching and made me cry. It is so beautifully written and poignant, and full of the right sort of information and statistics that help put it into perspective.
As you know, I'm from Trinidad and the Caribbean still has anti-gay laws that punish same sex unions by decades of imprisonment. It actually used to be hanging! Only in 2018 did the high court of Trinidad and Tobago rule that criminalising same sex partnerships is unconstitutional and a breach if their human rights. There's still a way to go. My best friend's brother died of aids in Trinidad and it was kept very quiet. It broke my heart that he couldn't be who he was. Your article here is stellar and should be published in a national newspaper in my opinion. I'm so sorry you still find prejudice where you live, even now. Sorry for the long ramble. Thank you for sharing this.
The Caribbean is so incredibly backward in gay rights largely due to historical British/French/Dutch rule and antiquated laws still in place today. Whenever I hear Bob Marley’s ‘One Love’ I can’t help but but feel sadness that the love doesn’t extend to the lgbt population of Jamaica. Thank you franny for your heartfelt comment.
I feel so much sadness about that too. Surprisingly conservative views and that extends to much else too. It's beyond hypocritical from corrupt governments that abide lawlessness at the highest levels including the police. Thank goodness we live where we live, despite it not being the ideal yet.
Well written and the persecution was rife when we were kids , and it was queer . Nout so queer as folk . That’s what it should have stayed at . Because folk are queer , strange , odd . Whoever decided that should be transferred to person for their love of another person the same sex baffles me . I can’t stand it being used now . I’m like you and grew in those trying times , blinded by the absolute shit that was coming out of the tv . The lies , the ignorance , the cost to other peoples mental health must have tantamount to torture . You’ve lived and survived through the pain , I honour you xx
I always think of our George..and how many struggles we watched I cry for him , and for those that suffered xx
My Daughter, who I was pretty sure was gay from the age of 4, brought out her first book yesterday, ”Unsuitable ,a history of Lesbian Fashion”. As someone like you who lived through the 80’s and went on many anti clause 28 marches, Pride marches and had lots of gay friends, I’m so glad that a major publisher can now clamour to put out her book, that the sleeve notes can loudly proclaim her a Lesbian, I’m happy that these freedoms have happened during my lifetime, though , as you write , they already seem to be ebbing away , even in somewhere as close as Italy.
Only just read this post JP and I remember those awful adverts on tv about dying of AIDS. I remember thinking the world was ending. Must of been terrifying. Another great read JP. Agree wholeheartedly. 🏳️🌈Love is love ❤️ xx
Such a wonderful read, JP….powerfully written and so moving. I totally agree with you on the word ‘queer’…as you say I can understand it being reclaimed, but it has such overpowering connotations for me of my step-brother suffering ‘queer-bashing’ that I cannot bring myself to use it. There is still a long way to go….as your recent troll proves 😡 Thank you for continuing to educate and inform in your own inimitable style ❤️ 🏳️🌈 xxx
*standing ovation for this post* Xx
India that’s extremely kind. Thank you.
I couldn’t agree more - hats off to you JP xx
Hugely appreciated Mark. Thank you.
I loathe the word ‘queer’. First and foremost, I’m ‘Mike’, I’m a passionate gardener and garden writer and being gay is a small but very important part of who I am.
I love giving labels to people… except for me I don’t use the word ‘label’ preferring instead to use ‘names’, the names of every single person I meet, no matter who they are - their sexuality, their colour, religion or ability - I’m interested in people, not labels.
Glad I got that off my chest JP.
EXCELLENT article. Xx
Mike I want to come back to your comment. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, but I feel I didn’t say enough when I first relied. You know how it is, comments come in and you lose track. I loathe the word too. I detest it, in fact and I wish that the world would stop using it to make themselves trendy. Thank you for standing up and making your voice heard. Xxx
Thanks JP! Sometimes things just need to be said. Happy Friday xxx
You too Mike.
Very glad you got that off your chest too Mike. It’s not good to hold things in. Looking forward to a label-free future. 🏳️🌈🩷
I’m crying. Such an emotional post. I’m ashamed to say, I wasn’t aware of some of the details regarding the law. My youngest daughter has told us recently she is gay and I couldn’t be more proud that she wasn’t afraid to tell us and to be who she wants to be. Lots of you to you and Mr C xx
The best possible gift to your daughter would be acknowledge, accept, rejoice and move on. Everyone just wants to feel like they are normal and that they are loved. Xxxxx
Exactly how we hope to have made her feel ❤️❤️
Honestly… your writing style is infectious. Your account resonates with the history I also witnessed as a straight person. I could not agree more. When we stop having to have special days for LGBTQ is when everyone will be truly celebrated everyday for who they are and who they love. I wish you nothing but happiness and we all need to find peace in accepting everyone for their love and life choices xx
Wouldn’t it be great one day to only need a celebratory day for all humans.
WEll you’ve done it again my friend I’m now deep in thought about the times and attitudes we live through on this rather dull Sunday morning. Our own experience's and childhood fashion our approach to life, I was until today unaware of the Caribbean cultural view on being gay who knew? but it explains so much from my own childhood. Born in the 1950s to Irish parents I was blessed with a liberal view on life with only one caveat work hard!! and enjoy life. I have done both in equal measure thankful to be reminded of my fathers words today whenever we kids would be judgemental “Susan we are all just human beings on the same road some have a hard climb make life easy for them on the way up child”. So as I always have done I’m gonna enjoy Gay Pride Month with you JP 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
I’d say your father was a very wise man Susan and you clearly take after him.
Your father sounds amazing, Susan. What a wonderful approach to life.
Ahhh thankyou he had a tragic start to life in 1930 Ireland one of 8 children bought up by his amazing older sister aged just 15 when their mother died BUT he was loved and worked hard to get what little money he could for his family. In time his hard work paid off he came to U.K. in 1950s did very well and remained his sisters wing man all her life. So much to be grateful for he was a true egalitarian x
What a wonderful man, especially coming from such adversity. It can’t have been easy coming to the UK at that time. You must be very proud 🌸
Immensely
Well said and written JP! My 4 best friends are gay men and I am fiercely protective of them if I ever hear or encounter any hate towards them .I know we get stares when we all go out and I'm sure I am called a certain name but I would be lost without them ( as they would be without me .....quite literally, one is directionally challenged even with a sat nav 😂) love is love why should/does it matter who you find it with! Xx
How lucky are you to have four best friends that are all gay? Totally winning at life I’d say! X
More a carer for one of them...he's gonna kill me 😂. X
🤣
Oh JP I love your Sunday morning newsletter you have a compelling way with words. This week’s has made me feel so very sad and I too am looking forward to a label free society. My first husband is transgender and the abuse and hatred she received during the process was horrendous!!! We share a wonderful daughter and always celebrate her life with her when she visits and I think people forget that they hurt the whole family/community with their abhorrent attitude. Take care and sending hugs 🤗 xx
That must have been extraordinarily tough for both of you. People have no understanding of the hurt they cause. Xx
This post is heart-wrenching and made me cry. It is so beautifully written and poignant, and full of the right sort of information and statistics that help put it into perspective.
As you know, I'm from Trinidad and the Caribbean still has anti-gay laws that punish same sex unions by decades of imprisonment. It actually used to be hanging! Only in 2018 did the high court of Trinidad and Tobago rule that criminalising same sex partnerships is unconstitutional and a breach if their human rights. There's still a way to go. My best friend's brother died of aids in Trinidad and it was kept very quiet. It broke my heart that he couldn't be who he was. Your article here is stellar and should be published in a national newspaper in my opinion. I'm so sorry you still find prejudice where you live, even now. Sorry for the long ramble. Thank you for sharing this.
The Caribbean is so incredibly backward in gay rights largely due to historical British/French/Dutch rule and antiquated laws still in place today. Whenever I hear Bob Marley’s ‘One Love’ I can’t help but but feel sadness that the love doesn’t extend to the lgbt population of Jamaica. Thank you franny for your heartfelt comment.
I feel so much sadness about that too. Surprisingly conservative views and that extends to much else too. It's beyond hypocritical from corrupt governments that abide lawlessness at the highest levels including the police. Thank goodness we live where we live, despite it not being the ideal yet.
Amen to that. X
Well written and the persecution was rife when we were kids , and it was queer . Nout so queer as folk . That’s what it should have stayed at . Because folk are queer , strange , odd . Whoever decided that should be transferred to person for their love of another person the same sex baffles me . I can’t stand it being used now . I’m like you and grew in those trying times , blinded by the absolute shit that was coming out of the tv . The lies , the ignorance , the cost to other peoples mental health must have tantamount to torture . You’ve lived and survived through the pain , I honour you xx
I always think of our George..and how many struggles we watched I cry for him , and for those that suffered xx
If I love your strength. Thank you
Brilliant article to kick off Pride month JP.
My Daughter, who I was pretty sure was gay from the age of 4, brought out her first book yesterday, ”Unsuitable ,a history of Lesbian Fashion”. As someone like you who lived through the 80’s and went on many anti clause 28 marches, Pride marches and had lots of gay friends, I’m so glad that a major publisher can now clamour to put out her book, that the sleeve notes can loudly proclaim her a Lesbian, I’m happy that these freedoms have happened during my lifetime, though , as you write , they already seem to be ebbing away , even in somewhere as close as Italy.
What an incredible achievement though and something to be celebrated for sure.
Wonderfully written and very moving. Thank you for sharing. We still have a long way to go xx
We really do and not just in gay rights. But, we can all only do our bit and so important to remain positive and upbeat. X
Brilliant, just brilliantly written - thank you for highlighting what we experience and I’m with you on the Q word - makes me wince x
I know that the reclamation of the word is supposed to be joyful, but I just can’t. We have our own truths.
Wow what an amazing read and sorry that people in this day and age are still homophobic darling! Thanks for sharing x
Thank you Alex darling. I do fear things are reversing slightly, but we’ve just got to keep going. X
Welcome darling and there’s so much homophobic attitude around and it’s so shocking x
Only just read this post JP and I remember those awful adverts on tv about dying of AIDS. I remember thinking the world was ending. Must of been terrifying. Another great read JP. Agree wholeheartedly. 🏳️🌈Love is love ❤️ xx
Thank you Jo. Xxx
Well said , beautifully written 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜
Very kind of you. Thank you
Such a wonderful read, JP….powerfully written and so moving. I totally agree with you on the word ‘queer’…as you say I can understand it being reclaimed, but it has such overpowering connotations for me of my step-brother suffering ‘queer-bashing’ that I cannot bring myself to use it. There is still a long way to go….as your recent troll proves 😡 Thank you for continuing to educate and inform in your own inimitable style ❤️ 🏳️🌈 xxx
Jane thank you for your kind words. It means so much. 🏳️🌈